Dating as a single mother or single father often feels like a balancing act: you are a single parent, juggling everyday life, work and responsibility, and you may wonder how dating should work without your children missing out.
Between nursery, school, medical appointments, work and weekends with the other parent, there often seems to be little time left for yourself — let alone for new relationships. Still, you are allowed to want closeness, falling in love and a new partnership. This guide shows how dating as a single parent can work realistically and respectfully, without losing sight of your children.
Am I ready to date as a single parent?
The most important step happens inside you, not in an app. If you are still emotionally entangled in the separation, constantly thinking about your previous relationship or comparing every new contact to your ex, it is usually too early to date in a relaxed way.
Typical signs that you should give yourself more time include, for example:
- strong anger or sadness related to the previous relationship
- feelings of guilt towards your children whenever you think about dating
- a need to find someone quickly to make an inner emptiness feel smaller
- constant idealising or devaluing of the former relationship
You are more likely to be ready when you have come to terms with life as a single parent, feel curious about new people and recognise that nobody will magically solve your problems. Dating as a single parent means your child remains a priority and a new relationship complements your life rather than replaces it.
Myths and prejudices about dating as a single parent
In many countries, roughly one in five families is a single-parent household — millions of single mothers and fathers live with their dependent children. For many children, a one-parent household is everyday life rather than an exception.
Nevertheless, persistent myths exist, for example that single mothers cannot find partners or that single fathers have no time for relationships because of the children. Surveys show many singles indicate that having a child is not an immediate disqualifier and is often seen as an advantage because it demonstrates responsibility and the ability to form attachments.
What matters is not that you are a parent, but how honest and confident you are about your situation. Rather than apologising, you may state clearly that you are looking for a respectful partnership and possibly a blended family with someone who likes children and accepts that your everyday life is organised differently from that of people without children.
Single mothers and fathers compared
Single mothers and fathers share many experiences but statistically face somewhat different circumstances. The summary below highlights key differences and similarities.
| Aspect | Single mothers | Single fathers |
|---|---|---|
| Share of all single parents | Make up the majority; many single parents are mothers living with their children. | Form a smaller but growing share, roughly one in five single parents. |
| Typical financial situation | More often affected by low income, more likely to work part-time and to depend on child maintenance or social support. | On average somewhat less likely to be at risk of poverty and more often in full-time employment, but may face challenges in covering care and work alone. |
| Time resources and mental load | Often carry the bulk of care work, handle medical appointments, bureaucratic tasks and family organisation, and experience a high mental load. | Also bear substantial organisational responsibility when primarily caring for the children, but report slightly less frequently experiencing an extreme mental load. |
| Typical dating challenges | More often face stereotypes, such as being seen only as seeking a provider, and due to work plus care duties often have few free evenings. | Tend to encounter the stereotype that fathers will not commit long-term or are only interested in casual contacts. |
| Strengths and opportunities | Demonstrate organisational skill, emotional resilience and reliability — qualities many potential partners find attractive. | A present single father signals responsibility and readiness for commitment, which can be a clear advantage in dating. |
For your personal situation, what matters more than any statistic is what you need, what you can manage and which relationship model suits you and your children.
Time and priorities as a single parent
Look realistically at your everyday life
Many single parents say straight away that they have no time to date. Often this reflects a feeling of being overwhelmed rather than a truly closed schedule. Take a moment and look honestly at your weekly plan: are there evenings, lunch breaks or times when the children are with the other caregiver that you could deliberately reserve for dating?
Planning instead of spontaneity
Spontaneous dates rarely work with children. Schedule meetings in advance so you can arrange childcare. If you share custody, child-free days are often ideal. Digital calendars or co‑parenting apps help keep track of visits, appointments and care, so you do not have to rearrange everything at short notice before a date.
Flexible date formats
A date does not always have to be a long evening at a restaurant or the cinema. Shorter formats are often more relaxed for single parents, for example:
- a coffee date during your lunch break
- a walk after work
- a video date when the children are asleep
- an early dinner before the babysitter leaves
Building a support network
Dating as a single parent rarely succeeds without support. If a second parent is active in the children’s lives, you can relieve each other for important occasions as long as the children’s needs remain central. Clear agreements about times, handovers and special cases help prevent disputes and last‑minute chaos.
If there is no co‑parent available, babysitters, grandparents, aunts, uncles or fellow single parents can help. Many family websites list support services, advice centres and courses; for example, see family information portals such as familienportal.de.
If your budget is tight, a babysitting swap can be useful: you take turns looking after each other’s children so everyone gets a free evening now and then. This makes dating with children more manageable and less stressful.
Dating with children: Where single parents meet other singles
Online dating as a single parent
Many single parents have little opportunity to meet new people by chance. Dating apps and platforms can therefore be a helpful tool. You can browse profiles on the go, on the train or in the evening on the sofa when your children are asleep.
There are both general dating platforms and services aimed specifically at single parents or people who value family. In your profile you can clearly indicate that you are a mother or father and what type of relationship you want, for example casual meetings, a committed partnership or, in the long term, a blended family.
Offline places that fit your life
You can also meet potential dates in real life, just in different places than before. Typical places for single parents are the playground, parent‑and‑child groups, children’s sports or music classes, parent cafés, school events and local meetups or support groups for single parents. You do not have to turn every small talk into a date, but the more open you are to contact, the easier conversations and connections will form.
Talking to children about dating
How you talk to your children about dating depends on their age, maturity and your family history. Professionals generally recommend informing children in an age‑appropriate and honest way without overwhelming them with details. Child health information sites such as kindergesundheit-info.de emphasise that children feel secure when adults handle important topics clearly and reliably.
Helpful steps can include:
- choose a calm moment when you can talk uninterrupted
- say clearly that you are seeing someone you like
- stress that your love for your children remains unchanged
- answer questions honestly but in simple terms
- end the conversation if it becomes too much and return to it later
For younger children a simple sentence such as “I’m meeting a nice person today and we’re going for a drink” is often enough. Older children and teenagers can be told that you are getting to know someone. The important thing is that they feel loved and understand that their importance in your life does not change because of a new person.
Being open with dates: make being a parent clear from the start
By the first in‑person meeting at the latest, you should be open about having children and how important your parenting role is. If someone cannot cope with that, they are not a suitable option for you and your family, and it is better to recognise that early on.
You do not need to reveal your entire family life over the first drink. A sentence like “I have two children and we share custody” is often sufficient to begin with. Details about custody disputes, the separation history or more sensitive topics belong in later conversations when there is more trust.
It is important that you know and communicate your boundaries: which times are reserved for your children, how much flexibility you have, and what is not acceptable for you. Dating as a single mother or single father also means choosing carefully who you allow into your family system.
Sleepovers and intimacy when dating with children
The question of when someone may stay over is one of the trickiest when dating as a single parent. There are no blanket rules, but many parents feel more comfortable allowing intimate overnight stays at home only once the relationship feels stable and you truly trust each other.
It is often more comfortable if the children are staying with the other caregiver, friends or grandparents during that time. If you use a babysitter, it can feel right to start the date at your partner’s place so you have more time together before you have to return home.
Regardless of the setting, take care with contraception and protection against sexually transmitted infections. Neutral information portals about sexual health such as LIEBESLEBEN explain clearly what is important.
Introducing a new partner to the children
Children can feel unsettled when new people appear regularly and then disappear again. Many professionals therefore recommend involving children actively only once the relationship feels stable and has moved beyond the initial infatuation phase.
Before the first meeting, talk with your children about who this person is, how long the visit will be and what you will do. Ask whether they have any questions or wishes. If they react negatively, give them time and revisit the topic gently later.
A neutral or familiar setting suits a first meeting, such as a short visit to the playground, an ice cream at a favourite café or a board game at home. Keep the meeting short and low‑pressure. Afterwards ask how they felt and what they noticed so they know their perspective matters.
Self-care and expectations when dating as a single parent
Single parents often carry a lot of responsibility, financial burden and emotional labour. Dating can then feel like an additional task. It is therefore all the more important to look after yourself, create moments of rest and seek support if guilt or old wounds are holding you back.
Parenting support programmes such as “Strong Parents – Strong Children” (see dksb.de) illustrate how important stable caregivers are for children, regardless of relationship status. When you are doing better, your children benefit directly.
Allow yourself also to accept that not every date will be a perfect match. A rejection or an ended meeting is not a personal failure but part of the process. Saying no to someone unsuitable is also a yes to yourself, your children and your boundaries.
Safety when dating as a single mother or single father
As a parent you are responsible for yourself and your children. A few clear safety rules help you stay relaxed:
- Always meet for the first time in a public place.
- Tell a trusted person where you will be and who you are meeting.
- Do not disclose the address, workplace or school of your children until you really trust someone.
- Use a device for dating apps that your children cannot access if possible.
- End a date as soon as something feels odd or unsafe.
Helplines, online counselling for parents and local victim support services can help if an encounter was unpleasant or abusive. Do not hesitate to use these services — they exist to support you.
Conclusion: Dating with children can be enjoyable and respectful
Dating with children is a challenge, but not a hopeless task. With realistic planning, a reliable support network, open communication with your children and clear boundaries with dates, you can gradually create a dating life that fits you and your family.
You do not need to design a perfect blended family or conform to every stereotype. It is enough to be honest with yourself, value your role as a mother or father and seek people who respect that role. Your needs matter and you are allowed to want a loving relationship, even as a single parent.