Introduction
If you are considering sperm donation and want to choose an appropriate donor, many questions come up quickly. Should you use a donor from a sperm bank or a private donor found through a community or app? What do you ask a sperm donor in the first conversation, and how can you tell whether he really fits you, your situation, and your future child?
This guide collects the most important questions for a sperm donor into a practical questionnaire. You can use the checklist to compare private donors, prepare an interview with a donor, and clarify your own boundaries around donation and co-parenting—whether you search via RattleStork, a sperm bank, or your personal network.
Why good questions to the donor are so important
Sperm donation is not a small favor but a decision with long-term consequences for you, your potential child, the donor, and possibly your partner. Especially with private donation outside a sperm bank, a solid set of questions replaces part of the medical and legal screening that clinics automatically provide.
Targeted questions for the donor help you, among other things, to:
- understand his motivation for donating
- better assess health, semen quality, and genetic risks
- know his expectations about contact, role, and responsibility after the birth
- distinguish between reliable donors and risky offers
In regulated programs, screening and counseling are standard, following recommendations from professional societies and guidance from regulatory agencies such as the American Society for Reproductive Medicine (ASRM) and the U.S. Food and Drug Administration (FDA). There, donors are medically, genetically, and psychologically evaluated before their sperm is used for treatments.
Values, motivation and boundaries
Before diving into medical details, it makes sense to ask about the donor’s motivation. Many conflicts arise because donors and recipients have completely different ideas about what donation means—whether it leans toward co-parenting or is intended to be more like an anonymous sperm bank donation.
Possible topics for this first block of questions with a donor:
- personal reasons why he wants to be a sperm donor
- experience with previous donations and any own children
- attitudes toward single parents, LGBTQ+ families, and co-parenting
- how he would handle changes if wishes or life circumstances shift later
If a private donor downplays your boundaries, applies pressure, or mocks your caution, that is a clear sign he is not a good fit—regardless of how attractive his profile or semen parameters may seem.
Health and family history
Health and family history are essential in any reputable questionnaire for sperm donation. Sperm banks and fertility clinics screen donors systematically for infections, genetic conditions, and psychological stability. Professional guidance explains that donors are accepted only within clear age limits, health criteria, and family limits.
When speaking with a private donor, you should at minimum ask about these topics specifically:
- age, previous semen analyses, and general results on concentration and motility
- physical and mental health diagnoses, hospital stays, and ongoing therapies
- current and past sexually transmitted infections and any available lab reports
- serious illnesses in the family, such as certain cancers, early heart attacks, strokes, diabetes, or neurological disorders
- known genetic conditions or anomalies in the family that could affect a child
- regular medications, substance use, and lifestyle factors such as shift work or extreme stress
More important than perfect numbers is that the donor addresses these issues openly, calmly, and reliably. Someone who brushes off medical topics or refuses testing is not a candidate for responsible donation.
Biography, daily life and personality
Even if a donor will rarely be part of your family’s daily life, your child will eventually have questions about their origins. Many families who use donor sperm therefore want at least a clear picture of the person who is genetically involved—regardless of whether contact is planned.
Possible topics for this part of the donor interview:
- childhood and adolescence, formative events, and important caregivers
- education, occupation, and what matters to the donor in daily life
- hobbies, talents, and interests like music, sports, languages, or technology
- character traits, e.g., more reserved or extroverted, organized or spontaneous
- personal values such as honesty, responsibility, freedom, family, or fairness
- cultural or religious background that could later matter for your child’s identity
You don’t have to agree on everything, but a clear picture of the donor’s biography, personality, and values makes it easier later to explain your child’s story.
Future role and contact preferences
Perhaps the most important topic in any donor questionnaire is the expected role and contact preferences after the birth. Fertility clinics use standardized consents and legal frameworks covering parentage, financial support, access to information, and limits on how many families a donor may support.
With private donation, you should at least clarify these points:
- whether the donor wants to remain anonymous, be identifiable, or allow open contact
- whether he sees himself as a genetic contributor, an “uncle-like” figure, or an active co-parent
- whether and how many other families he currently supports or plans to support
- how he would handle it if your child sought contact later
- how important it is to him to be involved in medical or school decisions
- what would be a clear no for him, so you know his boundaries as well as your own
The clearer these expectations are expressed and documented before the first donation, the lower the risk of later conflicts or disappointment.
Concrete questions to ask your sperm donor – checklist
Now comes the part many people want from a donor guide: a concrete list of questions you can run through in a conversation or video call with your donor. You can save or print this checklist or keep it in the RattleStork app as notes while you compare private donors.
The questions are intentionally open so the donor can tell their story. You don’t have to cover them all in one meeting; you can use them step by step to fully assess a private donor’s motivation, health, role, and reliability.
- What personally motivates you to be a sperm donor, and what matters most to you about donation?
- Do you already have children or donor-conceived children, and if so, how many children and approximately how many families have resulted from your donations?
- Through which channels have you donated so far, for example a sperm bank, fertility clinic, or private donation via platforms and groups?
- How do you imagine your role after the birth of our child: no contact, occasional updates, or an actively present person in the child’s life?
- How old are you, and have you had a semen analysis or medical assessment of fertility in recent years; what were the general results?
- How would you describe your current physical health; are there chronic illnesses, surgeries, or hospital stays I should know about?
- How is your mental health; have you had past mental illnesses like depression, anxiety disorders, or substance use disorders, and have you received support?
- What serious illnesses occur in your family, for example certain cancers, early heart attacks, strokes, diabetes, or neurological conditions?
- Are there known genetic disorders or anomalies in your family that could affect a child, and have tests been performed?
- When were you last tested for HIV, hepatitis B and C, syphilis, chlamydia, and gonorrhea, and would you be willing to provide recent lab reports before donation?
- Do you smoke, drink alcohol regularly, or use other substances, and if so, to what extent and since when?
- Which medications do you take daily or long-term, for example for high blood pressure, autoimmune conditions, or mental health, and can these be compatible with donation?
- What does a typical day look like for you; what do you do for work and how stressful or physically demanding is your routine?
- What hobbies, interests, or special talents do you have, and might any of them be interesting for a child later on?
- Which values are most important to you, for example honesty, reliability, autonomy, family, or social justice, and why these in particular?
- Approximately how many donations have you made so far and over what time period, and do you have a limit on how many families you want to support in total?
- Have you considered legal questions around sperm donation, such as who is considered the legal parent, and what is your view on contracts and written agreements?
- Which insemination methods are you willing to consider, for example cup collection at home, clinical insemination with processed sperm, or something else, and which methods do you exclude?
- How flexible are you with timing for ovulation and short-notice arrangements, and over what period would you be willing to provide donations?
- How do you imagine safe and respectful meetings, which locations would you be comfortable with, and what safety rules are important to you?
- Are you willing to record our agreements on role, contact, number of attempts, method, and costs in writing, and would you review these with a counselor or attorney if needed?
- What should our child at minimum know about you later, for example origin, occupation, hobbies, health information, or your thoughts on being a donor?
- How would you react if our child actively sought contact at age 16 or 18 and asked about their origins, and what would be important to you in that situation?
- Is there anything you would like from us in return, for example certain information about the child, the type and frequency of updates, or boundaries we should respect?
- Is there anything else important we haven’t discussed that matters to you regarding donation, co-parenting, or your role as a donor?
If you notice evasive answers, contradictions, or persistent gut unease while going through the checklist, that is a sign to keep looking. A reliable donor answers critical questions calmly, openly, and without pressure—even if not everything is perfect.
Red flags for donors
As helpful as a structured questionnaire is, it is equally important to take red flags seriously when choosing a donor. Especially in unregulated online groups, people report donors who cross boundaries, use donation as a substitute for dating, or later see their role very differently from what was agreed.
Typical red flags can include:
- the donor insists on unprotected intercourse despite your clear refusal
- he refuses current medical testing, downplays infection risks, or provides no verifiable lab reports
- he avoids questions about previous donations, the number of potential donor-conceived siblings, or his own children
- he applies time pressure, exerts emotional pressure, or makes your family-building project conditional on sexual favors
- he only wants meetings in remote locations or without clear safety agreements and does not respect your safety requests
- he frequently contradicts himself about job, health, marital status, or place of residence
Regulated fertility clinics and sperm banks operate under clear legal requirements for parentage, use of donor sperm, and access to information. Official guidance indicates that donors there may be limited in how many families they support and do not assume legal parenthood when treatment occurs within a licensed setting. When searching privately, your questions, pace, and non-negotiables provide much of this protective function.
When professional help makes sense
Even if you pursue private donors through communities or apps, professional support can be very helpful. Counseling or medical supervision is advisable, for example, if:
- you are unsure how to interpret lab results, semen analyses, or genetic information
- serious illnesses appear in your or the donor’s family history
- you have tried several cycles with private donation without achieving a pregnancy
- the donor search is causing you significant emotional distress, triggering anxiety, or straining your relationship
- you and your partner have different expectations about the donor’s contact, role, and responsibilities
Many fertility clinics, specialized counseling centers, and mental health providers are familiar with common questions about donation, donor selection, and later disclosure to donor-conceived children. They can help you translate medical facts, legal frameworks, and your emotions into a coherent decision.
Conclusion
A clear questionnaire for a sperm donor does not replace lab results or legal advice, but it makes donation tangible and comparable. The more specifically you ask about motivation, health, family history, role, and practical arrangements, the easier it is to filter out unreliable donors and find someone who makes your family-building project feel safe and fitting in the long term—for you, your family, and your future child.