Dating as a single mother or single father often feels like a balancing act: you are a single parent juggling daily life, work and responsibilities while wondering how to pursue a relationship without your children being neglected.
Between daycare, school, doctor appointments, work and weekends with the other parent, there can seem to be little time left for yourself, let alone for new connections. Still, it is okay to want closeness, to fall in love and to hope for a new partnership. This guide shows how dating as a single parent can work realistically and respectfully, without losing sight of your children.
Am I ready to date as a single parent?
The most important step doesn’t happen in an app, but inside you. If you are still emotionally entangled in the separation, constantly thinking about your previous relationship or comparing every new contact to your ex, it is usually too early to date in a relaxed way.
Common signs that you should give yourself more time include:
- strong anger or sadness related to the former relationship
- feelings of guilt toward your children as soon as you think about dating
- a desire to quickly find someone to fill an inner emptiness
- constant idealizing or devaluing of the former relationship
You are more likely ready when you have broadly accepted your life as a single parent, feel curious about meeting new people, and clearly understand that no one will magically solve your problems. Dating as a single parent means that your child remains a priority and a new relationship complements, rather than replaces, your life.
Myths and prejudice about dating as a single parent
Single-parent families are a common family form — a substantial number of parents raise children on their own. Still, persistent myths exist, for example that single mothers cannot find a partner or that single fathers have no time for relationships because of the kids. Surveys often show that many singles do not see having children as a disqualifier and sometimes view it as a positive, because it signals responsibility and the ability to form bonds.
What matters is not that you are a parent, but how honest and confident you are about your situation. Instead of apologizing, you can clearly state that you want a respectful partnership and possibly a blended-family future, with someone who likes children and accepts that your daily life is organized differently than that of childless singles.
Single mothers and fathers compared
Single mothers and fathers share many experiences but statistically face somewhat different circumstances. The overview below summarizes key differences and similarities.
| Aspect | Single Mothers | Single Fathers |
|---|---|---|
| Share of all single parents | Make up the majority; many single parents are mothers who live with their children. | Form a smaller but growing share of single parents. |
| Typical financial situation | More often affected by income shortages, more frequently work part-time and may rely on child support or social assistance. | On average, somewhat less likely to be at risk of poverty and more often in full-time work, though balancing care and work alone can still be challenging. |
| Time resources and mental load | Often carry most of the care work, handle many appointments and household organization, and experience a high mental load. | When primarily responsible for care, fathers also have significant organizational duties but often report somewhat lower mental load overall. |
| Typical dating challenges | Frequently face stereotypes, such as being seen as seeking only a provider, and often have few free evenings because of paid work plus care responsibilities. | Tend to face stereotypes that fathers are not interested in long-term commitment or are only looking for casual encounters. |
| Strengths and opportunities | Demonstrate organization, emotional strength and reliability — qualities many potential partners appreciate. | Present fathers signal responsibility and willingness to commit, which can be a clear advantage in dating. |
For your personal situation, what matters more than any statistic is what you need, what you can manage, and which relationship model fits you and your children.
Time and priorities as a single parent
Look realistically at your daily life
Many single parents immediately say they have no time to date. Often this reflects a feeling of being overwhelmed rather than a completely closed schedule. Take a moment to look honestly at your weekly plan: Are there evenings, lunch breaks or times when the children are with the other caregiver that you could intentionally reserve for dating?
Planning instead of spontaneity
Spontaneous dates rarely work with children. Schedule meetings in advance so you can arrange childcare. If you share custody, child-free days are often ideal. Digital calendars or co-parenting apps help keep track of visits, appointments and care arrangements so you don't have to rearrange everything at the last minute.
Flexible date formats
A date doesn't always have to be a long evening at a restaurant or the movies. As a single mother or single father, shorter formats are often more relaxed, for example:
- a coffee date during a lunch break
- a walk after work
- a video date when the children are asleep
- an early dinner before the babysitter leaves
Building a support network
Dating as a single parent rarely succeeds without support. If the other parent remains active in the children’s lives, you may be able to share responsibilities for important appointments, as long as the children's needs remain central. Clear agreements about times, handovers and exceptional cases prevent conflicts and last-minute chaos.
If there is no co-parent available, babysitters, grandparents, aunts, uncles or other single parents can help. Many family resource portals offer information about support services, counseling centers and courses — look for official family resource websites or local family services (for example, familienportal.de).
If your budget is tight, a babysitting swap can be useful: you take turns looking after each other’s children so everyone occasionally gets a free evening. This makes dating with children more predictable and less stressful.
Finding partners as a single parent: Where do single parents meet other singles?
Online dating as a single parent
Many single parents have little opportunity to meet new people by chance. Dating apps and platforms can therefore be a helpful tool. You can browse profiles on the go, on the train or in the evening on the couch while the children sleep.
There are general dating platforms as well as services aimed specifically at single parents or people who value family life. In your profile you can state clearly that you are a mother or father and what type of relationship you are looking for — casual meetings, a steady partnership, or potentially a blended family.
Offline places that fit your life
You can also meet potential dates in real life, but in different places than before. Typical places for single parents include playgrounds, parent-child groups, kids’ sports or music classes, parent cafés, school events and local meetups or support groups for single parents. You don’t need to turn every small talk into a date, but the more open you are to contact, the easier conversations will start.
Talking to children about dating
How you talk to your children about dating depends on their age, maturity and your family history. In general, experts recommend informing children in an age-appropriate and honest way, without overwhelming them with details. Trusted child health information sites (for example, kindergesundheit-info.de) emphasize that children feel secure when adults handle important topics clearly and reliably.
Helpful steps can include:
- choose a calm moment when you won’t be disturbed
- say clearly that you are seeing someone you like
- reassure them that your love for them stays the same
- answer questions honestly but in simple words
- stop the conversation if it becomes too much and return to it later
For younger children a simple sentence like “I’m meeting a nice person today and we’re going for a drink” is often enough. Older children and teens can know that you are meeting someone to get to know them. The important thing is that they feel they are more important than any new person and that their place in your life does not change.
Being open with dates: make it clear from the start that you’re a single parent
By the first in-person meeting at the latest, you should say openly that you have children and how important your role as a parent is. If someone cannot accept that, they are not a suitable option for you and your family, and it’s better to notice that early.
You don’t have to explain your whole family life over drinks. A simple line like “I have two kids and we share custody” is often enough at first. Details about custody disputes, the separation story, or topics like sperm donation and co-parenting belong in later conversations once more trust has been built.
Know and communicate your boundaries: which times are reserved for your children, how much flexibility you need, and what is absolutely off-limits. Dating as a single mother or single father also means deciding carefully who you invite into your family system.
Sleepovers and intimacy when dating with children
The question of when someone can stay overnight is one of the most sensitive when dating as a single parent. There are no universal rules, but many parents feel more comfortable allowing intimate sleepovers at home only when the relationship feels stable and you truly trust each other.
Often it’s easier if the children sleep with the other caregiver, with friends, or with grandparents at such times. If you use a babysitter, it can feel good to start the date at your partner’s place so you have more shared time before you need to go home again.
Regardless of the setting: pay attention to reliable contraception and protection against sexually transmitted infections. Neutral sexual-health information sources, such as national sex education portals (for example, liebesleben.de), explain clearly what matters.
Introducing a new partner to the children
Children can be unsettled when new people regularly appear and then disappear. That’s why many experts recommend involving children only once the relationship feels stable and has passed the initial infatuation phase.
Before the first meeting, talk to your children about who the person is, how long the visit will last and what you plan to do. Ask whether they have questions or wishes. If they react negatively, give them time and revisit the topic gently later.
A neutral or familiar setting works well for the first encounter, such as a short visit to the playground, an ice cream at a favorite shop, or a board game at home. Keep the meeting short and low-pressure. Afterwards, ask your children how they felt and what they noticed. This shows them their perspective matters.
Self-care and expectations when dating as a single parent
Single parents often carry a lot of responsibility, financial burdens and emotional work. Dating can then feel like an additional task. It is therefore important to take care of yourself, create moments of rest and seek support if feelings of guilt or old wounds hold you back.
Parenting-strengthening programs and local family support services (for example, programs like "Strong Parents – Strong Children" offered by child welfare organizations) show how important stable caregivers are for children regardless of relationship status. When you feel better, your children benefit directly.
Allow yourself to accept that not every date will be a perfect match. A rejection or a date that ends early is not a personal failure but part of the process. Saying no to an unsuitable person is also a yes to you, your children and your boundaries.
Safety when dating as a single mother or single father
As a parent you are responsible for yourself and your children. A few clear safety rules help you stay calm:
- Always meet for the first time in a public place.
- Tell a trusted person where you are and who you are meeting.
- Don't share your children’s home address, workplace or school until you really trust someone.
- If possible, use a device or an area of your device for dating that your children cannot access.
- End a date as soon as something feels odd or unsafe.
Helplines, online counseling for parents and local victim support services can help if a meeting was unpleasant or abusive. Don’t hesitate to use these services — they exist to support you.
Conclusion: Dating with kids can be relaxed and respectful
Searching for a partner with children is a challenge, but not hopeless. With realistic planning, a reliable support network, open communication with your children and clear boundaries with dates, you can gradually shape a dating life that fits you and your family.
You don’t have to design a perfect blended family or conform to every cliché. It’s enough to be honest with yourself, to value your role as a mother or father, and to look for people who respect that role. Your needs are important and you are allowed to want a loving relationship, even as a single parent.