Introduction
If you are considering sperm donation and want to choose a suitable donor, many questions can come up quickly. Should you use a donor from a sperm bank or a private donor found through a community or app? Which questions should you ask a donor in the first conversation and how can you tell whether he really fits you, your situation and your future child?
This guide brings together the most important questions for a donor in a practical questionnaire. You can use the checklist to compare private donors, prepare an interview with a donor and clarify your own boundaries regarding donation and co-parenting — whether you search via RattleStork, a sperm bank or your personal network.
Why good questions to the donor are so important
Sperm donation is not a small favour but a decision with long-term consequences for you, your potential child, the donor and possibly your partner. Especially with private donation outside a sperm bank, a solid set of questions replaces some of the medical and legal filters that clinics automatically apply.
Targeted questions to the donor help you, among other things, to:
- understand his motivation for donating
- better assess health, sperm quality and genetic risks
- know his ideas about contact, role and responsibility after birth
- distinguish between reputable donors and risky offers
In regulated programmes, screening and counselling are standard, for example following recommendations from professional societies on gamete donation and guidelines issued by national authorities such as the Indian Council of Medical Research and the Ministry of Health and Family Welfare. There, donors are medically, genetically and psychologically screened before their sperm is used for treatments.
Values, motivation and boundaries
Before you dive into medical details, it is worth covering a set of questions about the donor’s motivation. Many conflicts arise because donors and recipients have completely different ideas about what donation means, whether it leans toward co-parenting or is intended to be like an anonymous sperm bank donation.
Possible topics for this initial block of questions in the conversation with the donor:
- personal reasons why he wants to be a donor
- experience with previous donations and any own children
- attitude toward single parents, rainbow families and co-parenting
- how he would handle changes if wishes or life circumstances change later
If a private donor downplays your boundaries, applies pressure or mocks your caution, that is a clear sign he is not suitable for you — regardless of how attractive his profile or sperm values may appear.
Health and family history
Health and family history are essential in any reputable donor questionnaire. Sperm banks and fertility clinics screen donors systematically for infections, genetic disorders and psychological stability. National authorities such as the Indian Council of Medical Research and the Ministry of Health and Family Welfare set out that donors are accepted only within clear age limits, health criteria and family limits.
In a conversation with a private donor you should at minimum ask about these topics specifically:
- age, past semen analyses and general results on concentration and motility
- physical and mental diagnoses, hospital stays and ongoing treatments
- current and past sexually transmitted infections and any available lab reports
- serious illnesses in the family, such as certain cancers, early heart attacks, strokes, diabetes or neurological diseases
- genetic disorders or known anomalies that could affect a child
- regular medications, substance use and lifestyle factors such as shift work or extreme stress
More important than perfect numbers is that the donor deals with these questions openly, calmly and reliably. Someone who dismisses medical topics or refuses tests is not a candidate for responsible donation.
Biography, daily life and personality
Even if a donor will have little presence in your family life, your child will eventually have questions about their origin. Many families who use donor sperm therefore want at least a clear picture of the person who is genetically involved — regardless of whether contact is planned.
Possible topics for this part of the donor interview:
- childhood and youth, formative events and important role models
- education, profession and what matters to the donor in daily life
- hobbies, talents and interests such as music, sport, languages or technology
- character traits, for example more quiet or outgoing, structured or spontaneous
- personal values like honesty, responsibility, freedom, family or fairness
- cultural or religious background that could later be relevant for your child’s identity
You do not have to agree on everything, but a clear picture of the donor’s biography, personality and values will make it easier later to explain your child their story.
Future role and contact wishes
Perhaps the most important topic block in any donor questionnaire concerns role and contact wishes after the birth. Fertility clinics work with standard consent forms and legal frameworks covering parentage, maintenance, rights to information and limits on the number of families per donor.
With private donation you should at least clarify these points:
- whether the donor wants to remain anonymous, be identifiable or allow open contact
- whether he sees himself mainly as a genetic contributor, an “uncle figure” or an active co-parent
- whether and how many other families he currently or in future plans to support
- how he would respond if your child seeks contact later
- how important it is for him to be involved in medical or school decisions
- what would be a clear no for him, so you know his boundaries as well as your own
The clearer these expectations are expressed and documented before the first donation, the lower the risk of later conflicts or disappointments.
Concrete questions for your sperm donor – checklist
Now comes the part many people want from a donor guide: a concrete list of questions you can run through in a conversation or video call with your donor. You can save this checklist, print it or keep it as notes in the RattleStork app while comparing private donors.
The questions are deliberately open so the donor can tell his story. You do not need to cover them all in one meeting, but you can use them step by step to assess a private donor’s motivation, health, role and reliability.
- What personally motivates you to be a sperm donor, and what matters most to you about donation?
- Do you already have children or donor children, and if so, how many children and approximately how many families have resulted from your donations?
- Through which channels have you donated so far, for example a sperm bank, fertility clinic or private donation via platforms and groups?
- How do you imagine your role after the birth of our child — no contact, occasional updates or as a visible person in the child’s life?
- How old are you and have you had a semen analysis in recent years or a clinical assessment of your fertility, and what were the general results?
- How would you describe your current physical health — are there chronic illnesses, surgeries or hospital stays I should know about?
- How is your mental health — have there been mental health conditions in the past such as depression, anxiety or substance use disorders, and have you received support?
- Which serious illnesses occur in your family, for example certain cancers, early heart attacks, strokes, diabetes or neurological diseases?
- Are there known genetic disorders or anomalies in your family that could affect a child, and have any tests been performed?
- When were you last tested for HIV, hepatitis B and C, syphilis, chlamydia and gonorrhoea, and would you be willing to provide recent lab reports before donation?
- Do you smoke, drink alcohol regularly or use other substances, and if so, how much and since when?
- Which medications do you take daily or long-term, for example for high blood pressure, autoimmune conditions or mental health, and are these compatible with donation?
- What does a typical day in your life look like — what do you do for work and how stressful or physically demanding is your routine?
- Which hobbies, interests or special talents do you have, and could they be interesting later for a child?
- Which values are especially important to you, for example honesty, reliability, autonomy, family or social justice, and why these?
- Approximately how many donations have you made so far and over what time period, and is there a clear limit to how many families you want to support overall?
- Have you considered legal questions around donation, such as who is recognised as legal parent, and what is your view on contracts and written agreements?
- Which insemination methods are acceptable to you, for example only home “cup method”, clinic insemination with prepared sperm or something else, and which methods do you exclude?
- How flexible are you with timing around ovulation and short-notice arrangements, and over what period would you be available to provide donations?
- How do you imagine safe and respectful meetings, which locations would you be comfortable with and which safety rules are important to you?
- Are you willing to put our agreements on role, contact, number of attempts, method and costs in writing, and would you review these with a counselling service or lawyer if needed?
- What should our child at minimum know about you later — origin, profession, hobbies, health information or your thoughts on being a donor?
- How would you react if our child at 16 or 18 actively sought contact with you and asked questions about their origin, and what would be important to you then?
- Is there anything you would like from us in return, for example certain information about the child, the type and frequency of updates or specific boundaries you expect us to respect?
- Is there anything else we have not discussed that is important to you regarding donation, co-parenting or your role as a donor?
If, while going through the checklist, you notice evasive answers, contradictions or a persistent uneasy feeling, it is a good sign to keep looking. A reliable donor answers critical questions calmly, openly and without pressure — even if not everything is perfect.
Red flags with sperm donors
As helpful as a structured questionnaire is, it is equally important to take warning signs seriously when choosing a donor. Especially in unregulated online groups, people and professionals repeatedly report donors who cross boundaries, treat donation as a substitute for dating or later see their role very differently than agreed.
Typical red flags can include:
- the donor pushes for natural insemination even though you have clearly refused
- he refuses current medical tests, downplays infection risks or provides no verifiable lab reports
- he avoids questions about past donations, the number of potential donor offspring or his own children
- he creates time pressure, emotionally pressures you or makes your family plans dependent on sexual favours
- he wants meetings only in remote locations or without clear safety arrangements and ignores your safety concerns
- he frequently contradicts himself about job, health, relationship status or place of residence
Regulated fertility clinics and sperm banks operate under clear legal frameworks on parentage, use of donor sperm and rights to information. Official guidance shows that donors there may be limited in how many families they can support and do not have a legal parental role when treatment takes place within licensed settings. If you search privately, your questions, pace and non-negotiables take on much of that protective function.
When professional help is useful
Even if you follow a private route via donors, communities or apps, professional support can be very helpful. Counselling or medical support is useful, for example, if:
- you are unsure how to interpret lab results, semen analyses or genetic information
- serious conditions appear in your or the donor’s family history
- you have already tried several cycles with private donation without achieving pregnancy
- the donor search is causing significant emotional strain, triggering anxiety or affecting your relationship
- you and your partner have different ideas about the donor’s contact, role and responsibilities
Many fertility clinics, specialised counselling centres and psychological services know the typical questions around donation, donor selection and later disclosure to donor-conceived children. They can help you translate medical facts, legal frameworks and your feelings into a coherent decision.
Conclusion
A clear questionnaire for a sperm donor does not replace lab results or legal advice, but it makes donation more tangible and comparable. The more precisely you ask about motivation, health, family history, role and practical arrangements, the easier it is to filter out unsuitable donors and find someone who makes your family-building project feel safe and coherent in the long term — for you, your family and your future child.