Dating as a single mother or single father often feels like a balancing act: you are single with a child, juggling daily life, work and responsibilities, and you may wonder how dating can work without shortchanging your children.
Between preschool or school, medical appointments, work and weekends with the other parent, there may seem to be hardly any space for yourself, let alone for new encounters. Still, you are allowed to want closeness, falling in love and a new relationship. This guide shows how dating as a single parent can work realistically and respectfully, without losing sight of your children.
Am I ready to date as a single parent?
The most important step does not happen in the app but within you. If you are still emotionally in the separation, constantly thinking about your former relationship or comparing every new contact to your ex, it is usually too soon to date with ease.
Typical signs that you should give yourself more time include:
- strong anger or sadness related to the previous relationship
- feelings of guilt toward your children as soon as you think about dating
- a desire to quickly find someone so that the inner emptiness feels smaller
- constant idealising or devaluing of the former relationship
You are more likely ready when you have broadly accepted your life as a single parent, feel curious about new people and understand that no one will magically solve your problems. Dating as a single parent means your child remains a priority and a new relationship complements, not replaces, your life.
Myths and prejudices about dating as a single parent
Single-parent families are common in many societies; many single mothers and fathers live with their minor children. Yet persistent myths remain, for example that single mothers cannot find a partner or that single fathers have no time for relationships because of the children. In surveys, many singles state that having a child is not a deal-breaker and is often seen positively because it shows responsibility and capacity for attachment.
What matters is not whether you are a parent, but how honestly and confidently you present your situation. Rather than apologising, you can clearly say you want a respectful partnership and perhaps a blended family, with someone who likes children and understands that your everyday life is organised differently than that of childless singles.
Comparing single mothers and fathers
Single mothers and fathers have much in common but statistically face somewhat different circumstances. The overview below summarises central differences and similarities.
| Aspect | Single mothers | Single fathers |
|---|---|---|
| Share among all single parents | Make up the majority; many single parents are mothers living with their children. | Form a smaller but growing share, roughly one in five single parents in some contexts. |
| Typical financial situation | More often affected by low income, more frequently in part-time work and more reliant on maintenance payments or social support in some contexts. | On average somewhat less likely to be at risk of poverty and more often in full-time work, but still face challenges in covering both care and work alone. |
| Time resources and mental load | Very often carry the bulk of care work, manage many appointments, paperwork and the organisation of family life and experience a high mental load. | Also take on substantial organisational responsibility when caring alone or predominantly, though they report high mental load somewhat less frequently. |
| Typical dating challenges | Are more often confronted with prejudices, for example that they only look for a “provider”, and often have few free evenings due to combining paid work and care duties. | Tend to face the stereotype that fathers will not commit long-term or are only interested in casual encounters. |
| Strengths and opportunities | Show organisation, emotional strength and reliability—qualities many potential partners value. | A present single father signals responsibility and willingness to commit, which can be a clear advantage when dating. |
For your personal situation, what matters more than any statistic is what you need, what you can manage and which relationship model fits you and your children.
Time and priorities as a single parent
Look realistically at your routine
Many single parents initially say they have no time to date. Often this reflects a feeling of being overwhelmed rather than a completely closed schedule. Take a moment to honestly review your weekly plan: are there evenings, lunch breaks or times when the children are with the other caregiver that you could deliberately reserve for dating?
Planning instead of spontaneity
Spontaneous dates rarely work with children. Schedule meetings well in advance so you can arrange childcare. If you share custody, child-free days are often ideal. Digital calendars or co-parenting apps help keep track of visit times, appointments and care arrangements so you do not have to rearrange everything at short notice.
Flexible date formats
A date does not always have to be a long evening with dinner and a movie. As a single mother or single father, shorter formats are often more relaxed, for example:
- a coffee date during a lunch break
- a walk after work
- a video date when the children are asleep
- an early dinner before the babysitter leaves
Building a support network
Dating as a single parent rarely succeeds without support. If the other parent is actively involved in the children’s lives, you can relieve each other for important appointments as long as the children’s needs remain central. Clear agreements on timings, handovers and exceptional cases prevent conflicts and last‑minute chaos.
If there is no co‑parent available, babysitters, grandparents, aunts, uncles or other single-parent friends can help. On many family portals you can find information about relief services, counselling centres and courses; for example, see familienportal.de.
If the budget is tight, a babysitting swap can be useful: you look after each other’s children in turns so each person gets a free evening now and then. This makes dating with a child more predictable and less stressful.
Finding a partner with a child: Where can single parents meet other singles?
Online dating as a single parent
Many single parents have little chance to meet new people by chance. Dating apps and websites can therefore be a useful tool. You can browse profiles while commuting or write messages in the evenings when your children are asleep.
There are general dating platforms as well as services aimed specifically at single parents or people who value family life. In your profile you can clearly state that you are a mother or father and what kind of relationship you are looking for, such as casual meetings, a committed partnership or, in the long term, a blended family.
Offline places that fit your life
You can also meet potential dates in everyday life, just in different places than before. Typical locations for single parents include playgrounds, parent–child groups, children’s sport or music classes, parent cafés, school events and local meetups for single parents. No one expects you to turn every small talk into a date, but the more open you are to contact, the easier conversations will start.
Talking to your children about dating
How you talk to your children about dating depends on their age, maturity and your family’s history. Experts generally recommend informing children honestly and in an age-appropriate way without overwhelming them with details. National children’s health information portals such as kindergesundheit-info.de emphasise that children feel secure when adults handle important topics clearly and reliably.
Helpful steps can include:
- choose a calm moment when you will not be disturbed
- say clearly that you are seeing someone you like
- emphasise that your love for your children remains unchanged
- answer questions honestly but in simple words
- end the conversation if it becomes too much and return to it later
For younger children a simple sentence such as “I’m meeting a nice person today and we will go for a drink” is often sufficient. Older children and teens can be told you are getting to know someone. What matters is that they sense you still love them more than any new person and that their place in your life does not change.
Being open with dates: Letting a date know you have a child from the start
By the first in-person meeting you should be open about having children and how important your parenting role is. If someone cannot handle that, they are not a suitable option for you and your family, and it is better to notice that early.
You do not need to outline your whole family life over the first drink. A sentence like “I have two children and we share custody” is often enough at the start. Details about custody disputes, the separation story or donor conception and co-parenting belong in later conversations once more trust has been built.
It is important to know and communicate your boundaries: which times are reserved for your children, how much flexibility you need and what is not acceptable. Dating as a single mother or single father also means deciding carefully who you invite into your family system.
Overnights and intimacy when dating with a child
The question of when someone may spend the night is one of the trickiest when dating as a single parent. There are no universal rules, but many parents feel more comfortable allowing intimate overnight stays at home only when the relationship feels stable and you truly trust each other.
Often it is more comfortable if the children stay with the other caregiver, friends or grandparents during such times. If you use a babysitter, it may feel right to start the date at your date’s place so you have more time together before you need to return home.
Regardless of the setting: pay attention to reliable contraception and protection against sexually transmitted infections. Neutral sexual health information services such as LIEBESLEBEN explain clearly what matters.
Introducing a new partner to your children
Children can become unsettled when new people appear and then disappear again. For that reason many experts recommend involving children only when a relationship feels stable and has moved past the initial infatuation phase.
Before the first meeting, talk to your children about who this person is, how long the visit will be and what you will do. Ask if they have questions or wishes. If they react negatively, give them time and gently revisit the topic later.
A neutral or familiar setting is suitable for the first encounter, such as a short visit to the playground, an ice cream at a favourite shop or a board game at home. Keep the meeting short and low-pressure. Afterwards ask your children how they felt and what they noticed so they learn that their view matters.
Self-care and expectations when dating as a single parent
Single parents often carry heavy responsibilities, financial burdens and emotional labour. Dating can then feel like an extra task. It is therefore especially important to look after yourself, create breaks and seek support if guilt or old hurts hold you back.
Parenting programmes such as "Strong Parents – Strong Children" offered by child protection organisations show how important stable caregivers are for children, regardless of relationship status. When you feel better, your children benefit directly.
Also allow yourself to accept that not every date will be a perfect match. A refusal or ending is not a personal failure but part of the search. Saying no to someone who is not right is also a yes to yourself, your children and your boundaries.
Safety when dating as a single mother or single father
As a parent you carry responsibility for yourself and your children. A few clear safety rules help you stay calm:
- Always meet in a public place for the first time.
- Tell a trusted person where you are and whom you are meeting.
- Only share your children’s address, workplace or school with someone you really trust.
- If possible, use a separate device or an area of your device that your children cannot access for dating apps.
- End a date as soon as something feels odd or unsafe.
Helplines, online counselling for parents and local support services for victims of violence can help further if an encounter was unpleasant or abusive. Do not hesitate to use these services — they exist to support you.
Conclusion: Dating with a child can be relaxed and respectful
Finding a partner when you have a child is challenging but not hopeless. With realistic planning, a reliable support network, open communication with your children and clear boundaries with dates, you can gradually shape a dating life that suits you and your family.
You do not need to design a perfect blended family or conform to every stereotype. It is enough to be honest with yourself, value your role as a mother or father and look for people who respect that role. Your needs are important and you are allowed to wish for a loving relationship, even as a single parent.