Dating as a single mother or single father often feels like a balancing act: you are a single parent, juggling everyday life, work and responsibilities, and you may wonder how dating can fit in without your children being neglected.
Between daycare, school, medical appointments, work and weekends with the other parent, there often seems to be little room left for yourself, let alone new encounters. Still, you are allowed to want closeness, falling in love and a new partnership. This guide shows how dating as a single parent can be realistic and respectful while keeping your children in focus.
Am I ready to date as a single parent?
The most important step doesn’t happen in the app, but within you. If you are still emotionally in the middle of the separation, constantly thinking about your previous relationship or comparing every new contact with your ex, it is usually too early to date in a relaxed way.
Typical signs that you should give yourself more time include:
- strong anger or sadness related to the previous relationship
- feelings of guilt toward your children when you think about dating
- a desire to find someone quickly to fill an inner emptiness
- constant idealizing or devaluing of the former relationship
You are more likely to be ready when you have essentially accepted your life as a single parent, feel curious about meeting new people, and understand that no one will magically solve your problems. Dating as a single parent means that your child remains a priority and a new relationship complements your life rather than replacing it.
Myths and prejudice about dating as a single parent
In many countries, single-parent families are common — a significant number of parents live alone or separated with their minor children. For many children, a one-parent family is an everyday reality, not an exception.
Yet persistent myths remain, such as the idea that single mothers cannot find partners or that single fathers have no time for relationships because of childcare. Surveys often show that many singles do not consider having a child a disqualifying factor and sometimes view parenthood as a positive sign of responsibility and attachment capacity.
What matters is not that you are a parent, but how honestly and confidently you present your situation. Instead of apologizing, you can clearly say that you seek a respectful partnership and perhaps a blended family with someone who likes children and accepts that your everyday life is organized differently than that of childless singles.
Single mothers and fathers compared
Single mothers and fathers have much in common but statistically face somewhat different circumstances. The overview below summarizes key differences and similarities.
| Aspect | Single mothers | Single fathers |
|---|---|---|
| Share of all single parents | Make up the majority in many contexts; a large proportion of single parents are mothers living with their children. | Represent a smaller but growing share of single parents, often around one-fifth in many societies. |
| Typical financial situation | More often affected by income insecurity, working part-time more frequently and relying more on child support or social benefits. | On average somewhat less at risk of poverty and more often in full-time employment, though it can be challenging to balance work and sole caregiving. |
| Time resources and mental load | Often carry the majority of care work, handle appointments, administrative tasks and day-to-day organisation, and experience a high mental load. | When primarily responsible for care, fathers also take on much organisational work but tend to report slightly less mental load overall. |
| Typical dating challenges | More frequently face prejudices, for example being assumed to seek only a provider, and often have few free evenings due to combining paid work and care duties. | Often face the stereotype that fathers will not commit long-term or are only interested in casual encounters. |
| Strengths and opportunities | Demonstrate organisational skills, emotional resilience and reliability—qualities many potential partners value. | A present single father signals responsibility and willingness to commit, which can be a clear advantage in dating. |
For your personal situation, what matters more than any statistic is what you need, what you can manage and which relationship model suits you and your children.
Time and priorities as a single parent
Look realistically at your everyday life
Many single parents say immediately that they have no time to date. Often this reflects a feeling of being overwhelmed rather than a truly closed schedule. Take a moment to look honestly at your weekly plan: are there evenings, lunch breaks or times when the children are with the other caregiver that you could deliberately reserve for dating?
Planning instead of spontaneity
Spontaneous dates rarely work with children. Schedule meetings in advance so you can arrange childcare. If you share custody, child-free days are often ideal. Digital calendars or co-parenting apps help keep track of visitation times, appointments and childcare so you don’t have to cancel everything at the last minute.
Flexible date formats
A date doesn’t always have to be a long evening at a restaurant and a movie. Especially as a single mother or single father, shorter formats are often more relaxed, for example:
- a coffee date during a lunch break
- a walk after work
- a video date when the children are asleep
- an early dinner before the babysitter leaves
Building a support network
Dating as a single parent rarely succeeds without support. If a second parent is involved in the children’s lives, you can relieve each other for important dates as long as the children’s needs remain central. Clear agreements about times, handovers and exceptions help prevent conflict and last-minute chaos.
If there is no co-parent available, babysitters, grandparents, aunts, uncles or other single parents can help. Many family portals provide information on relief services, counselling centres and courses; see, for example, the official family portal (familienportal.de).
If your budget is tight, a babysitting swap can be useful: you take turns caring for each other’s children so everyone occasionally has a free evening. This makes dating with a child more manageable and less stressful.
Dating with children: Where can single parents meet other singles?
Online dating as a single parent
Many single parents have little opportunity in everyday life to meet new people by chance. Dating apps and platforms can therefore be a useful tool. You can browse profiles and message while on the go, on the train or in the evening on the couch when your children are asleep.
There are both general dating platforms and those specifically for single parents or people who value family. In your profile you can clearly indicate that you are a mother or father and what kind of relationship you are looking for, for example casual meetings, a committed partnership or a long-term blended family.
Offline places that fit your life
In real life you also meet potential dates, just in different places than before. Typical places for single parents include the playground, parent–child groups, children’s sports or music programs, parent cafés, school events and local meetups for single parents. You don’t have to turn every small talk into a date, but the more open you are to contact, the easier conversations will start.
Talking to children about dating
How you talk to your children about dating depends on their age, maturity and your family history. In general, experts recommend informing children honestly and in an age-appropriate way without overwhelming them with details. Child health information portals (kindergesundheit-info.de) emphasise that children feel secure when adults handle important topics clearly and reliably.
Helpful steps can include:
- choose a calm moment when you won’t be disturbed
- plainly say that you are meeting someone you like
- stress that your love for your children remains unchanged
- answer questions honestly but in simple words
- end the conversation if it becomes too much and pick it up later
For younger children a simple sentence such as “I’m meeting a nice person today and we’re going for a drink” is often enough. Older children and teens can be told that you’re beginning to get to know someone. What matters is that they sense you love them more than any new person and that their place in your life will not change.
Being open with dates: Make it clear from the start that you are a single parent
By the first in-person meeting at the latest, you should say openly that you have children and how important your parental role is. Someone who cannot accept that is not a suitable option for you and your family, and it is better to notice that early.
You do not need to lay out your whole family life at the first drink. A sentence such as “I have two children and we share custody” is often enough for a start. Details about custody disputes, the separation story or donor conception belong in later conversations after trust has grown.
It is important to know and communicate your boundaries: which times are reserved for your children, how much flexibility you need, and what is not acceptable. Dating as a single mother or single father also means deciding carefully who you let into your family system.
Overnights and intimacy when dating with children
The question of when someone may stay over is one of the trickiest when dating as a single parent. There are no blanket rules, but many parents feel more comfortable allowing intimate overnights at home only once the relationship feels stable and you truly trust each other.
It is often easier if the children are staying with the other caregiver, friends or grandparents during that time. If you rely on a babysitter, it can feel good to start the date at your date’s place so you have more time together before you need to return home.
Regardless of the setting: pay attention to reliable contraception and protection against sexually transmitted infections. Neutral sexual health information portals such as LIEBESLEBEN (liebesleben.de) explain clearly what is important.
Introducing a new partner to the children
Children can become unsettled if new people appear regularly and then disappear again. That is why many experts recommend involving children only once a relationship feels stable and has moved beyond the initial infatuation phase.
Talk to your children before the first meeting about who this person is, how long the visit will be and what you will do. Ask your children if they have questions or wishes. If they react negatively, give them time and revisit the topic later with care.
A neutral or familiar setting works well for the first encounter, such as a short visit to the playground, an ice cream at a favourite shop or a board game at home. Keep the meeting short and low-pressure. Afterwards, ask your children how they felt and what they noticed. This shows them that their perspective matters.
Self-care and expectations when dating as a single parent
Single parents often carry a lot of responsibility, financial burden and emotional labour. Dating can then feel like an additional task. That makes it especially important to take good care of yourself, create places to recharge and seek support if you notice guilt or past hurts holding you back.
Parenting-strengthening programs such as “Strong Parents – Strong Children” (dksb.de) demonstrate the importance of stable caregivers for children regardless of relationship status. When you feel better, your children benefit directly.
Also allow yourself to accept that not every date will be a perfect match. A rejection or a date that ends early is not a personal failure but part of the search for a partner. Saying no to an unsuitable person is always a yes to yourself, your children and your boundaries.
Safety when dating as a single mother or single father
As a parent you are responsible for yourself and your children. A few clear safety rules help you stay calm:
- Always meet for the first time in a public place.
- Tell a trusted person where you are and who you are meeting.
- Only share your children’s home address, workplace or school once you truly trust someone.
- If possible, use a device or area for dating apps that your children cannot access.
- End a date as soon as something feels odd or unsafe.
Helplines, online counselling for parents and local services for victims of violence can support you if an encounter was unpleasant or abusive. Do not hesitate to use these services — they exist to help you.
Conclusion: Dating with a child can be easy and respectful
Finding a partner when you have children is a challenge, but not a hopeless task. With realistic planning, a reliable support network, open communication with your children and clear boundaries with dates, you can gradually build a dating life that fits you and your family.
You do not have to design a perfect blended family or conform to every cliché. It is enough to be honest with yourself, value your role as a mother or father and look for people who respect that role. Your needs are important and you are allowed to want a loving relationship even while parenting alone.